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It was a brisk December night in the Big Apple when I stood under the Washington Square Arch, as the greens and yellows and purples of the skyline glowed in the background. I was already exhausted from walking across Manhattan, having visited the National Museum of Mathematics and walked the High Line, but I also felt excited as I stood in the park waiting for our group of Subtle Asian Daters to form.
Occasionally, SAD members organize meet-ups so that people can meet each other in real life. It just so happened that there was one in New York City over winter break. I was nervous in the hours leading up to the event. Maybe only 10 people will show up. Fortunately some SAD members happened to have already arrived in New York, so for the next few hours I hung out with them drinking bubble tea, the quintessential Asian beverage.
While the turnout ended up being good — around 40 or 50 people showed up at Washington Square — we quickly fell into disarray as we split up and looked for places to eat. But in the end, it was all good. I met new people, ate good food Shake Shack to be precise and even showed off my dance skills in a karaoke booth. Indeed, it felt nigh-impossible from the start, given that the male to female ratio was about three to one.
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Some forums can only be seen by registered members. Where is the best place to meet single asian women in NYC? Also, what do the Asian women in NYC think about white men? Stuyvesant High School I would say outside their race it’ll be White men then Black guys. I know it sounds crazy but I really have seen a great increase of Asian women with Black guys.
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One user on Reddit posted a photo of the sign with the single-word rejoinder, “Kinda,” and the sixty-something comments that followed teased apart the the moral subtleties of dating within or outside of one’s own ethnicity or race. Reading through the thread feels like opening a Pandora’s Box, the air suddenly alive with questions that are impossible to meaningfully answer. Dating sites and services tailored to race, religion, and ethnicity are not new, of course.
JDate, the matchmaking site for Jewish singles, has been around since If you are ethnically Japanese, looking to meet ethnically Japanese singles, there is JapaneseCupid. Take a small half turn in the wrong direction, and there are dark places on the Internet like WASP Love, a website tagged with terms like “trump dating,” “alt-right,” “confederate,” and “white nationalism. As if to underscore just how contradictory a belief in an Asian-American monolith is, South Asians are glaringly absent from the app’s branding and advertisements, despite the fact that, well, they’re Asian, too.
I met the app’s publicist, a beautiful Korean-American woman from California, for a coffee, earlier this year. As we chatted about the app, she let me poke around her personal profile, which she had created recently after going through a breakup. The interface might have been one of any number of popular dating apps. Swipe right to express interest, left to pass. I tapped on handsome faces and sent flirtatious messages and, for a few minutes, felt as though she and I could have been any other girlfriends taking a coffee break on a Monday afternoon, analyzing the faces and biographies of men, who just happened to appear Asian.
I had been interested in dating more Asian-American men, in fact— wouldn’t it be easier , I thought, to partner with someone who is also familiar with growing up between cultures?